Poetry by Edward ian Armchair

If I Had My Way

Bus driver, taxi driver, part-time scuba diver,
Newsagent, secret agent, bald insurance agent.
If I had my way, you'd be dead today.
A bullet in your head and you'd be blown away.

Prostitutes and destitutes, people wearing cowboy boots,
Conservatives, superlatives, middle class alternatives,
If I had my way, you'd be dead right now.
Slash your throat if I could somehow.

Naga Munchetty, throwing confetti, people in cars, lah-de-dahs,
Richard Hawley, Roger Daltrey, Clare Grogan, Gabby Logan,
If I had my way, I'd switch you off.
Get your hands off my Kalashnikov!

Big Brother, Little Brother, people texting one another.
Zoe Ball, Davina McCall, sorry but I hate you all,
If I had my way, you'd be dead today.
A bullet in your head someday.

Edward says...

Began life as a song and written all from a single incident that happened in 1988. Standing at the bar in a local pub, a well known fantasist was talking about how he regularly went scuba diving. Bearing in mind this pub was in Tamworth, Staffordshire one of the places most distant from the coast you will ever come across in England. I'm not saying this person was telling fibs, but the image of his beer belly squeezed into the rubbery confines of a wet suit is something I've tried to banish from my mind for thirty-odd years. The rest of the song/poem flowed from the words "Bus driver, taxi driver part-time scuba diver". I also have to update it regularly as characters mentioned keep dying! Edward
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